My Own Personal Incidents
Silver Honda Accord
Slow in fast lane, not getting over. This cat worked at the same place as a friend, according to his license plate holder. Sheesh, what a loser. Who is that proud to be part of the tech industry anymore? Or maybe he likes to think he still has a job.... you're fired!
Black Ford Mustang
New car; loud rap music; spoiler. Tried to cut in front of me at the 580 to 680 interchange. Are you not used to this part of town?
Once we got on the freeway, his showmanship was over as I watched his car become a quickly shrinking blip in my rearview as I went my speed, and he went slow. How odd, I thought. But wait, as I was exiting, he made a big show of cutting in, one car in front of me. Ah yes, he found his way out of the ghetto and he was making his presence known. You "bad" man...
White Ford Mustang convertible
Zipping around slow traffic, even with a full load of people; I thought "A-ha, someone fast to follow in this miasma of bad drivers." But alas, as soon as it got in the fast lane, went barely over the speed limit. Friends don't let friends drive stupid... or do they?
beater truck: "Allied"
Going slow in the fast lane, not getting over.
This business of "Allied" is for "autos" and "trucks." How ironic is it that this guy doesn't know how to drive?
Red Mercury convertible
Slow in the fast lane; erratic speed. Maybe if I had a convertible I could be erratic too (I mean, more erratic).
slow in fast lane, erratic, pretended to get over and then didn't, then tried to pass people on the right. trash.
Beige Toyota Camry
slow in fast lane, not getting over; must be a dickhead convention.
White Toyota pick up
slow in fast lane, not getting over; the "666" of the plate is an indication, I think, of what type of people get toyota pick ups. As is typical of a toyota driver, he sped up when he thought he was being passed on the right. Nice!
Grey Nissan Altima
Made a big show of merging onto 580 and cutting everyone off in his haste to get into the left lane. Then, he went slow there. Right after I wrote him up, he suddenly started going 90. Geez, does it take that long to get those nissans going? Maybe his hamsters were tired from a long night...
8/30/02 (it was a popular day, with the dickhead crowd)
Grand Ave, Oakland
Some stooopid girl (she doesn't know who she is), was trying to make a left hand turn opposite from me. So she had her fat ass blocking about 60% of the lane I was coming in on. The lane to my right was blocked with stopped cars, so I made a fancy maneuver of getting around her to make my green. As I did so, she slipped me off, through her sunroof. Nice! Does she slap her mother with that hand? She must have felt entitled to turning left against the light. I hate that entitlement crap.
license plate #?
OLD white Olds
about one million kids in the car, all with their arms and legs sticking up akimbo. at least her lights were on for safety. are there still people out there thinking they can milk the welfare system by having a lot of kids? no, wait, I'm sure there was no thought involved in that decision.
anyway, Professional Mom, aka "Braking Betty," braked often and for no reason at all; was one of the type of people that get into "our" lane during a slow down and when things return to normal speeds, forgets to get over to where she belongs: going 40 in a 65 in the slow lane.
White Cadillac, black top
slow in fast lane. Your favorite band sucks.
Grey Mercedes SUV
Undecided. Does he want to be in the carpool lane? Does he not? Is it too early in the day for open carpool lane? Who knows? He's a moron! (Well, that's a given, considering he wasted Mercedes money on an SUV). Then, he slammed on his brakes in the 2nd to left lane. What a tool.
White Ford Escort
Slow in fast lane. Annoying flag hanging from rearview, annoying round sun block things in back window. After I wrote him up, he went even slower. It, apparently, is raining dickheads.
Burgandy Nissan truck with a shell
Slow in fast lane, not getting over, then went even more slowly.
Grey Mercedes Benz
Got out of fast lane, cut a guy off, then went slower. I didn't realize there was an IQ "ceiling" for getting a Benz.
Beige Chrysler New Yorker (Cadallac wannabe)
Going slow in the fast lane on the uphill. I can see how someone would get handicapped, driving that way. I hate this person. And you must be pretty handicapped one way or the other to think you can drive in the fast lane, up a hill, handicapped, in one of those boats without pissing people off.
Cut across way too many lanes at the last minute. You know, there is such a thing as swallowing your pride and admitting you're a dumbass, going to the next exit and doubling back. I will lower my expectations accordingly.
White Honda Civic
slow in fast lane, impeding my progress to get home on a friday night. OH, thanks for finally getting over .... assh*ole!
Grey Acura SUV
Going slow uphill. Granted, it was a Saturday, but it's so annoying. I'm going to work so I'm in a foul mood. He got over, but then he tried to play the game where you speed up so that the other person can't really pass. We hit a corner going about 90 and I left him in the dust. He couldn't handle it. Hello - an SUV drives like a truck, not a car. Anyone with a half a brain should know this after all of those rollover cases. His SUV was full of people, probably some guy used to driving alone, with his family screaming at him to not road rage. This is why we don't let Father drive.
a Toyota Rav 4, red. In a traffic slow down, it cruised in front of me, sans blinker. The dude was smoking a cigarette like a joint, with his arm hanging out of the window. Then he violated rule #1 re: distance, and about 5 cars got in front of him. Our lane was now the slow lane. He had a big dent in his rear end from a prior accident. C*cksucker.
Burgandy Mazda Protege
Slow in fast lane, no one ahead of him, room to get over, violating rule #14 re: not going fast in the fast lane.
Poetic Justice. As I was trying to pass the above protege on the right, I got behind an Ugly Van that looked like it was doing the same thing. But it was accidental. It didn't pass and get over. It just passed, and slowed down. So I popped back into the fast lane, and of course the Ugly Van realized too slowly in its pea-brain that the traffic was slowing down in that lane. It slammed on the brakes and wanted to get over, but I was there. ha-ha... So it finally got behind me and went really slow, much to the great misfortune of those poor schmucks behind it. It didn't have the best interests of those people in its little mind.
I know, who road rages on 9/11? And yet, I had to write this down: I had just merged onto 580 near 238, and was making my way into the "fast lane," when the guy I got in front of in the fast lane took offense and high beamed me. The people in front of me there were slow anyway, so I got out and passed some on the right. He followed. I got back into the left lane, he followed right behind, still with high beams. Right on my freakin' tail. So as we went uphill, I started to slow, just to mess with him. Still on tail, still high beam. I got bored, and made the universal sign of "jack off" with one hand in front of his beams. Oddly, he backed off and went away...
Parking garage travesty: some old guy was backing up, so instead of zipping around him I patiently waiting; I guess I could take his spot. Keeping in mind he's got about 30 feet between us, he shakes his head like I didn't leave him enough room. I motion for him to come back, there's plenty of room. He just sits there like a wart on my ass. I was doing him a favor, too, because he was backing up into a blind corner; whereas people could see my car stopped and avoid an accident. So I waited forever, because I have a lot of patience, and he finally ... slowly... backed up. He had a large minivan, and the back end was all pushed in like he had backed up into something already.
So, like, if you can't f*cking handle driving a large minivan, why did you f*cking buy it?
80 W, from Tahoe
Blue Chevrolet Suburban
This King's Bitch drove me off the road. I was in the left lane, which was not really the fast lane due to traffic. This guy crossed about three lanes simultaneously and sat next to me for a while, which was odd because his lane was clear to go ahead faster, whereas mine was not. Then, without a blinker, he just came over into me. I scooted into the shoulder to avoid hitting him and honked. He was far behind me at that point, but then later he came out of his druken haze and finally went way ahead. See, that lane was faster. Why did you want to get in front of me? Jesus Christ.
Grand Ave, Oakland
Don't remember the make/model but it was small. This guy was a real Twat. It was nice he's secure enough to admit it. We were in a stopped line waiting to make a turn, and he decided it was too much waiting so he got over to the left and jumped back in past the dotted line. He made about 2 car's of progress, and the rest of us patient law-abiding drivers had to stop our progress to let him make that jump.
But wait, there's more. At this turn is a cross walk to the island. When it's flashing yellow, you don't have to stop unless there's pedestrians. Mr. Twat stopped. But there were pedestrians, but they weren't crossing. *I* would have gone through without stopping, but then again, I'm not a Twat.
Red Ford Mustang convertible
I can't resist this one. Zipping around all morning long. Tried to pass me on the right going uphill; that never works of course. He was stuck behind slow cars there for a while, then he re-emerged, ready for more zipping. Probably overcompensating for a great lack of un-zipping in his life.
Stereotypical middle aged white guy, chubby, but with a full head of hair. Or, at least, it looked real from that distance. If I were that age, and male, I would try to avoid that stereotype. What are you supposed to say: "I'm sorry about your Penis!"
9/20/02 9:26 am
Hyprocrite Man: going slow in the fast lane, clear in front of him; he later ended up behind a car going 80, suddenly, this wasn't fast enough for him so he passed it on the right. I would have been happy if the Lexus had been doing 80. Tool.
Undisclosed Contra Costa County city
Grey VW Vanagan
A box on wheels. I had the great misfortune of driving one of those once. This dillweed was about to turn left into the driveway of a shopping "center." I was two cars behind Mr. Dillweed. The car behind Mr. D started to pass it on the right. Suddenly, Mr. D's annoying wife probably said "not this driveway moron!" and he veered back into our lane. Slowly. Thereby holding up me, the car in front of me, and now the car coming in the opposite direction. Only to turn into the next driveway, which goes to the SAME F*CKING parking lot. (which is a small parking lot anyway). Mr. & Mrs. Dillweed deserve their assh*le minivan.
However: justice was served. The unfortunate married couple ("breeders") was doing the same errand as I. I, being ever efficient, was done first. We were both exiting in our cars at the same time, so I made a specific point of pulling my car out first so that the D's now had to wait on me as I had waited on them. Karma. I like to dispense my own brand of personal justice.
9/25/02 9:17 am
White Chevrolet pickup "stepside"
Squatting like a toad in the fast lane. Barely going over the speed limit. Appeared to have a personal addiction problem: seemed to be drinking a malt beverage of some kind, and doing a lot of squirming in his seat. But maybe it was an anal itch. Mr. Anal Itch wasted about 5 minutes of my time, which I will never get back.
9/25/02 8:04 pm
Green beater car (Saturn or Pontiac?)
Going slow in the fast lane. Maybe there was a slow car in front of him holding him up, but you're either solving the problem (passing on the right to send a message) or you're contributing to the problem. 50% of the drivers you pass on the right are just slow and stupid, not realizing their transgression, and when you pass them on the right they sheepishly move over. The other 50% don't get over because they are not as stupid, but are definitely more ornery, and don't care. Oh, a subset of the 2nd 50% are total assh*les and actually speed up when you attempt to pass them on the right. If you still pass them on the right, they are just stupid assh*les. If they are successful in blocking your attempted pass, they are pure evil.
9/25/02 8:05 pm
Grey Honda Odyssey
I have on good authority this is an expensive car. Merged onto freeway and immediately swept across all the lanes without a blinker or any hesitation to get into the fast lane. Only to go slow. Does this mofo think that just because he got reamed buying a glorified minivan he has the right to be in the fast lane? I thought not, and summarily passed Mr. Mofo on the right.
9/25/02 9:33 am
Beige Ford pickup
A big piece of equipment in the truck bed. Going slow in the fast lane. People were passing on the right via the slow lane. Lots of people. Big tool - driving a big tool.
10/2/02 9 am
This doofus thinks he's the dope sh*t driving his big ol caddy. He's got one dreadlock sticking out of his head and a couple of babies bouncing around in the car. He keeps turning to look at them and then drifting into the next lane. This doofus in the fast lane is just wrong on so many levels.
10/2/02 8:54 pm
101 S towards SF
White Toyota pickup.
My theory on Toyota drivers: when there's a grade A assh*le on the road, more often than not it's a Toyota driver.
Anyway, Mr. Toyota was going 6 mph over the speed limit in the fast lane. He high beamed the guy in front of him, for a really long time. That guy got over, and Mr. Toyota increased his speed .... by 1 or 2 mph. The only reason why stupid people like that are still alive is because it is illegal to kill them.
10/2/02 9:30 pm
Richmond Bridge East
White Chrysler New Yorker
Two lanes were merging into one for road construction. I had my blinker on to merge, and this Sh*thead specifically sped up to make sure I didn't merge in front of him. Then, once the lanes broke into two lanes again, Mr. Head wnet slow. I left him way behind, in the dust. I can understand if you're jockying for position so as to not get stuck behind a slow car, if you're trying to go fast (being an assh*le to speed), but when you jockey for a position just to go slow, you're just an assh*le FOR NO REASON AT ALL.
10/2/02 9:35 pm
Black Honda Civic
Going slow in the fast lane; lots of people passing him on the right. But no: "I insist on driving slow in the fast lane ... because I"m a big fat dummy ... AND an assh*le. Now, I'm going to go a whopping 5 MILES over the speed limit. And I'm going to swerve a lot and ride the lanes because I'm going so FAST I can't handle the curves!"
10/3/02 6:32 pm
Well, we know what a BAP is, except that this was a guy (it still applied). Mr. BAP had a chick with an Afro in the passenger seat: a Ms. Foxy Cleopatra. They were having a grand old time, sitting in the fast lane, chatting, playing with the rearview mirror, stretching their arms about. Question: How many times must a BMW get passed on the right before it will finally increase its speed? Answer: 5 times.
10/3/02 6:35 pm
Driving very erratically. Possibly following me? I left it in the dust.
10/3/02 8:14 pm
Burgandy beater 70's car
going slow in the fast lane, not getting over. Ghetto car. Did he miss his Oakland exit? When we hit the merge with 238, he swerved all over on the curve. Not used to leaving the Oakland ghetto, apparently. Needs to be informed, we don't drive and smoke pot all at the same time out in the Valley.
10/15/02 6:46 pm
Grey Toyota Camry.
Another Toyota offender. Slow in fast lane, plenty of room in front. Keeps drifting onto the shoulder like he can't handle going that fast.
10/15/02 6:47 pm
Red VW Bus. Same as above.
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Altercations Contributed from Others
[your bizniss here]
Sometimes I accuse chestnuts of being lazy.
Award of Loser of the Month:
Blue Toyota Echo
This hot shot actually paid money to tint his windows. I know for a fact that you can't give a dealer more than $14,000 for an Echo, even with all the options. It's like a disposable car. There aren't even power windows on those. Yet this doofus spent money tinting his manual windows. Go figure. It's almost like putting $4,000 wheels on a 1978 VW bus (which I saw once, in Oregon).